I'm a person of the Millennial generation, and I've noticed that many people around my same age have a knack for being late all the time. Now, this isn't just limited to our generation, I feel like people of all ages are guilty of it, but we are probably the worst offenders. In this post I'll outline some of the excuses for being tardy and offer a solution for each. I'm not exactly a saint when it comes to this either, but I usually do my best to be punctual, and you should too.
Bottom line: being late is always your fault. That may seem unfair, but it's true. Sure, there are very socially acceptable reasons for being late, but pretty much all of them are preventable. More importantly, being late shows someone that you don't value their time, which is incredibly disrespectful. So stop making excuses, and start getting places on time (or better yet, early).
After I came up with all the points for this article, I did a quick web search are realized that The Art of Manliness did a post on the exact same thing, so I encourage you to read theirs. We make a few of the same points but I wanted to offer a few different ones, so please continue reading mine too 🙂 .
Okay, first off, let's investigate a few of the "innocent" reasons for being late. For these, let's just assume that a person has all the right intentions of being on-time, they just lack the execution. Kind of like a sports team that has the talent needed to beat an opposing team, they just have a bad game plan. At the end of the day, they still lose.
Overbooking: Some people just try to do too much. They want to be president of the condo board, host regular dinner parties, be at all their kids' school functions, and maintain a fast-paced career. These people have all the right intentions, but in trying to fit everything into their schedule, they will inevitably compromise their ability to realistically get to all these things on-time. The problem is that when you try to do everything at once, you end up doing none of it. Just read this research from Stanford on multitasking.
- Solution: Lighten your load. We know that you really want to do all those things, but if you are perpetually late for all of them (or worse, you don't show up at all), then are you really doing them? Leave gaps in your schedule for more travel time than you think you need, and in case the current event runs longer than you think (they usually do). Once your schedule has gaps of critical length then it is full. It may look more barren than you are used to, but don't book more things! Leave it! You'll thank me later.
Optimistic Travel Times: So you're thinking, "I don't overbook, I always leave time in my schedule to get places." Well, are you leaving enough time? Just because Google Maps says it will take 22 minutes to drive somewhere from your current position does not mean you should leave exactly 22 minutes beforehand! It takes some time to walk to your car, it takes some time to pull out of your driveway, it takes some time to find a parking space, it takes some time to walk to the meeting place. All that time may seem negligible, but it adds up. Oh, and what if there is traffic? What if you don't catch every light? What if you miss a turn? I used to live in Atlanta, where traffic could potentially double or triple your trip time. It was not something that you could assume would be negligible.
- Solution: Take the time of day into account, and assume the traffic will be just as bad or worse than usual. This will of course take some experience in knowing your city, so if you just moved somewhere or are taking a route you have never taken before, then be conservative with your trip time allocation. If you are using public transportation, then be very conservative.
Travelling in Packs: So maybe you are very good at being places on-time, but your friends aren't. I've done no research on this, but it seems like the average Time To Get Ready (TTGR) is roughly proportional to the group size. So if it takes you x minutes to get ready, and you are with 3 other people, then it will probably take the group about 4x minutes to get mobilized (probably exaggerating...but maybe not). The gender of the group also plays a role in this *cough* women take forever to get ready */end cough*.
- Solution: This is tricky because you legitimately don't have control over other people. The best way would just be to allot much more time that you think you need in order to account for everyone else. It is also good to give them a "get ready by" time of about 15 minutes prior to the actual time you need to leave.
Now let's look at the less innocent reasons for being late. These imply either a subconscious or a premeditated desire to be late, and they are reasons that I believe should be stopped.
Wanting to Look Important: This is the more sinister version of the "overbooking" scenario above. Since people who overbook themselves and/or have many responsibilities are frequently late to things, it has become somewhat of a societal perception that late people are important. Unfortunately, this has caused some people to intentionally show up late in order to gain this perception. I can't stand this. If you show up late meeting me somewhere, I am just going to be anywhere from slightly to incredibly irritated at you, and I will not think that you are important. So stop!
- Solution: Just say no to being late. It will not make you look important. Successful people are frequently very punctual and expect others to be the same. Be like them!
Not Wanting to Arrive First: Now when it comes to things like parties, it is an accepted societal norm to arrive "fashionably late." People do this because they don't want to be the first one at a party and make awkward small talk with the host. They want a bunch of other people to be there first so they can make a "grand" entrance. While this is fun to do, it has gone too far out of hand. "Fashionably late" used to mean something like 10-15 minutes late, but now it can mean something of around an hour late, depending on the occasion. I think that this needs to stop, because it makes both planning and attending parties more difficult than it needs to be. Just get there on-time or pretty close to it, and life will be better for everyone involved.
The other common reasoning for this is in the situation where you are meeting someone at a neutral location, like a coffee shop. No one wants to be the first one there because they don't want to wait around awkwardly, so they just decide to show up really late to insure that the other person is already there. Well, the massive problem is that this has created something of a "being late" arms race. At first, you could assume the other person would be on-time, so you show up 5 minutes late. But then, you realized other people are doing the same thing, so if they are showing up 5 minutes late, you will show up 10 minutes late. You can see how this escalates. So what if you assume the other person will be 15 minutes late, so you show up 20 minutes late, but it turns out they showed up early? They have been waiting around for you for the better part of a half-hour! That is unacceptable in my book.
- Solution: Deal with being the first one there! Sure, you'll probably feel awkward and uncomfortable. You'll feel like you could be doing better things than staring at a wall or pretending to text. But guess what, this is where you really start to live. Being alone is a time when you can collect your thoughts, slow your life down a bit, and re-connect with the world. I advise against just burying your head in your phone, because it reduces situational awareness. If you are at a restaurant, then get a table, or do something else that is useful for the situation. Do some people watching, observe your environment, appreciate life. Waiting for someone isn't that bad, so it's not something that should be feared as much as it is.
Lack of Priority: The same people that are frequently late to social get-togethers are probably never late to things like job interviews or airline flights. Why? Because the latter things have a high degree of importance. If you are late to a job interview it is a red flag to other things about your personality that the interviewer would probably take into account. If you are late to a flight then you could miss it, and countless bad things will happen. Now, being late when meeting your friend for coffee won't have quite the immediate catastrophic effects as the other examples, but it could cause your friend to stop liking you and stop wanting to hang out with you, and wouldn't that be pretty bad too?
- Solution: Prioritize social gatherings with nearly the same degree of importance as things you are frequently on-time for. This will take some time, and you probably don't need to show up at a coffee shop an hour early, but still keep that mindset that being late for your friends is just as bad as being late for a flight. Take this adage to heart for all things, not just business: "If you're 15 minutes early, you're on time. If you're on-time, you're late. If you're late, you're fired."
Reliance on Technology: I put this last because I don't want it to seem like new technology is ever the fundamental reason behind negative societal trends. That being said, the over-reliance on cell phones has gotten to the point where all the things I mentioned before are null because people don't make plans anymore. Things have slowly shifted from the olden "let's meet at X place at Y time" to "let's meet at X place, I'll text you when I leave."
Now, in some ways this can help optimize plans a bit. Before, we had to make fairly conservative arrangements because we couldn't take into account things like people's current location or circumstances. Now, we can make "plans" on the fly and avoid wasted "buffer time" by making meeting times relative instead of absolute. While it is a good idea, it has created some other annoyances.
Firstly, people have more or less lost the ability to meet up with other people without the aid of cell phones. We have to send about 8 texts that follow some sort of progression of: "leaving now", "2 minutes away", "here", "where are you", "I'm right outside the entrance", "oh, there is another entrance", "ok, I'm walking to you", "turn around". Some people might not see this as a problem, but it just irks me that we are clogging up the airwaves with these exchanges.
Secondly, people still show up late when they do the "ok I'm leaving now, be there in 20" approach for usually the "optimistic trip time" or "not wanting to arrive first" reasons.
Thirdly, people need the "confirmation call/text" that precedes the meeting by usually about an hour or else they won't go. Gone are the days that we can make plans the day before and say "meet you then" without any sort of communication in between. This lack of trust is a direct result of the incredible flakiness that our generation has developed, and it needs to stop right now.
- Solution: Use cell phones as a supplement, not a primary dependence. If something unexpectedly comes up and you know you are going to be late or need to cancel, then let the other person know (preferably before they have left). This seems like it would be common courtesy but you'd be surprised how often people don't do it. Also, have more faith in people. Trust that they will show up on time and hopefully they will do the same for you.
So there you go, some common problems and solutions for the lack of punctuality. There are of course more, but those are the ones that I feel like are the most important and easiest to fix. Another easy fix for many punctuality woes is to get in the habit of checking your watch frequently so you have a good concept of the time. Not wearing a watch, why not?
What do you think? Are you a punctual person or are you frequently the last one to arrive? Let me know in the comments.
Photo (c) 2011 ScottKostolni and made available under Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivatives License 2.0
