In my last post I talked about how I've been powerlifting for the past year. While I would like to say that I am doing this because I just want to be a healthier, more resilient individual, it's also because I just want to look better.

Sure, powerlifting is not the ideal workout method for body transformation (see: bodybuilding), it has nonetheless been an effective way for me to get bigger and stronger, which is really the goal.

So often in modern "progressive" society we are given such conflicting advice on how we should view ourselves. Through one channel we are bombarded with pictures of beautiful people living lives much better than ours, and are given "advice" in the form of advertisements for how we can be like these people.

On the other hand, we are also constantly told things like "just be yourself" or "don't pay attention to everyone else." It is one of the many polarizing ideals present in modern society.

Which do you choose? Sell your soul to the devil to be pretty or learn to live with how you are?

My answer: both...and neither.

Life's Better When You're Rich and Pretty

In a high school literature class I took, the teacher posed a question for us to discuss: "if you could trade 5 years of your life to be extremely good-looking, would you do it?" Most of the class said "no". I said "yes" because a) I'm a fan of conflict, and b) I genuinely believe that it is better to be really, really good looking.

But at some level I actually thought that 5 years of my life would be worth it if I could be amazingly handsome for the rest of it. Now, this did pose some follow up questions like "what if you were going to die at 20, so you would instead die at 15?" I was 16 at the time so does that mean I would just instantly drop dead if I made that deal? I went ahead and assumed that I would live to the average life expectancy, which was 77 at the time, so dying at 72 didn't seem so bad.

I know that beauty isn't everything, but I figured I was already pretty smart, why not be really good looking too? If the choice was between intelligence and looks, then it would have been a harder decision to make.

Advocates for reform in income inequality are rarely on the good side of income inequality. Advocates for "inner beauty" rarely have outer beauty (or maybe they do and are trying to play the PR game). Philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche claimed that Socrates' pursuit of absolute truth was merely because he was "ugly," and thus his argument was self-serving.

Whether we like it or not, image matters. It has an effect on the jobs we get, the people we form relationships with, and even our own personality. While it is nice to believe that the outside doesn't matter and only the inside counts, that is simply untrue, as the inside and the outside both form one individual.

Accept That You'll Never Be Good Enough

If my prior statements have gotten you down, then this one doesn't sound like it will help, but it is actually a beautiful idea: nothing you do will ever live up to your expectations.

The beauty of this concept lies in the fact that we are constantly left with more levels to grasp.

If you've ever played a video game, then you are probably familiar with the bittersweet sensation of "beating" the game. You've worked so hard and for so long (possibly while letting the rest of your responsibilities fall to the wayside) in pursuit of passing the final level. You've developed skills, solved problems, and ultimately defeated the final boss...you have won.

After the initial ecstasy, though, you are filled with remorse. On one hand, you are glad that you won the game, but on the other you are sad that there is no longer a game left to play. You walk out into the bright sunlight (which you haven't seen for a few days) as an older, wiser individual. You come to accept the loss of your game, which had become such a part of your life. You look to a future of new games; possibly better, possibly worse.

The great thing about life is that there is always another level to reach. You may think that if you become "rich" or if you become the boss at work or if you marry the person of your dreams or if you get a six-pack then you'll be "happy" and that's all there is to it, but there are always going to be new things you will want to shoot for.

This is a wonderful thing: you are never finished, so therefore you can never feel the remorse of not having any goals or aspirations. While it may seem like a never ending battle, think of it as more of a journey where each time you reach a destination, you realize it is merely another stop along the way.

Learn to Love Yourself

Probably the most common complaint about people from my generation is that we are overly narcissistic. We are constantly posting selfies to Facebook and Instagram, sharing all our trivial thoughts on Twitter, and writing annoying blogs where we claim to know everything.

It may seem like we love ourselves a little too much, but the reality is quite the opposite. While there are certainly vain intentions for posting things on social media, I will argue that people who constantly post things about themselves have a deep struggle with low self esteem, which they may or may not be able to admit to themselves.

When you post a picture of yourself and get a lot of "likes", it makes you feel good inside. It is this public display of approval that can encourage people who struggle with their self esteem. Every time you post something online, you are putting yourself out there, a feeling of both excitement and vulnerability. If your post gets a lot of likes, you feel good, if it doesn't, you feel...not so good. The problem with this is that you are relying on others for your sense of self-worth, when you need to be reliant on yourself.

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If you go into an attempt at body transformation, whether it be a new workout routine or skin care routine or change in clothing style, never go into it with the mindset of "if I could just look like that, then I'll be happy."

What I have read countless times and learned through personal experience is that happiness is not achieved externally.

It is through finding your inner sense of self that you become happy in a way that can't be matched by 1,000 likes on Facebook. How do you do this? Well, it's not easy, and I'm not quite sure I could tell you how to do it myself.

It starts, however, with an honest look at yourself, inside and out. Try to address all your qualities, but make an effort to not label them as "good" or "bad" (something I learned from The Inner Game of Tennis). Now, come to a realization that some of your qualities can't be changed, and you can either whine about it for the rest of your life or deal with it.

The moment when you make your peace with the constants in your life is the moment you begin to set yourself free. These qualities, neither good nor bad, make you who you are, so learn to love them, and you can learn to love yourself.

Never Stop Improving Yourself

If you truly love yourself, then it may seem paradoxical that you would want to improve yourself. This is, however, where I think most of the hippies who drone on "just be yourself" are getting it wrong.

You love yourself, therefore you should want to be better.

A parent who loves their children will push them to be the best they can be. A doctor who loves their patient will tell them ways they can improve their health. A flight instructor who loves their student will criticize their flying so that they don't crash the plane.

A man who loves himself will push himself to be a better man.
A woman who loves herself will push herself to be a better woman.

The quest for self-improvement should not be one of vanity. It should not be done with intentions of impressing others.

It should be done because you love yourself and you want to see yourself be better.

A Closing Thought

Along with accepting that there are things about yourself that you cannot change, there also needs to be an acceptance that some people will just not view you in the way that you desire.

Improving your appearance, style, body language, charisma, skills, etc. can go a long way, but keep in mind that people will sometimes see what they want to see, or simply will not notice any of your good attributes.

Understand that this can and will happen, so don't get discouraged when not everyone thinks you are cool and awesome. You can't please everyone, so stop trying to.

You have to start with being the kind of person that you respect, and others will follow.